The Hangover Part Three
by Eosophobia-3
Summary: The wolfpack's in London and they don't remember anything... Involving the London Eye, high speed chases and a cold-blooded murder? Worth a read! Enjoy!
1. London Calling

**The Hangover Part Three**

**Chapter One: London Calling**

"Doug? It's Phil."

"If you're ringing to tell me you lost Stu or you've woken up in bed with the Queen I don't want to know."

"We've fucked up big time, man."

"Everything will be fine. You guys always work these things out."

"Not this time."

"Look, I've gotta go Phil, call me when you're back on American soil."

The phone went dead. Phil dropped it and turned to face the men pointing guns at him and his friends. He closed his eyes…

**~ o o O o o ~ **

**THREE DAYS EARLIER**

"Oh, come on Doug, don't be a pussy!" Phil smacked his friend on the back and turned to face Stu. Stu pushed his glasses onto the bridge of his nose and nodded,

"Yeah! There're three tickets! We can't go without _you_."

The previous week Stu had won tickets to London (through a lottery at work), all expenses paid for one weekend and, naturally, he'd offered the other two tickets to his best friends. Doug ran his hands though his dark hair and sighed,

"Okay, okay! I'll come."

"Yes!" Phil rubbed his hands together and smiled broadly, "This is gonna be awesome!"

**~ o o O o o ~**

A woman in a short skirt and high heels strode past Phil and Stu in the airport, as she passed she slipped on a patch of wet floor and fell with a thud on her front. She got up, patted herself down and, much to Phil's delight, her shirt had gone completely see-through. Like a hormonal teenager Phil's mouth made a small 'o' shape and he bit his knuckles to prevent the inevitable 'woop' that wanted to escape his lips. Stu grinned as the woman stormed off and then, behind the woman, Stu saw something straight from one of his recurring nightmares. There, in an 'I Love London' t-shirt two sizes too small and dragging two large suitcases, was Alan.

Stu dived onto the nearest set of seats where Phi had decided to park his behind. Phil looked at Stu quizzically,

"What are you doing?"

Stu pressed a finger to his lips, "Shh! He'll hear you!"

"Who?"

Stu pointed over the top of the seats and Phil poked his head over. He could see Alan scanning the airport and ducked down, whispering,

"Shit! What does _he_ want?"

Stu's eyes widened, "Shit. You don't think Doug invited him do you?"

"Why would he? The guy's a retard!"

"Who's a re-tard?" It was Alan.

Stu sat upright and didn't even bother trying to be polite,

"What're you doing here Alan?"

Phil crossed his arms across his chest and mumbled through tight lips, "Maybe he's stalking you."

Stu turned to face his friend accusingly, "_Me_? You're the one he's got some weird man-crush on! I bet he beats off-"

The dentist stopped speaking as a woman on a nearby seat turned to face him, shock on her face. She covered her son's ears and marched off. Alan grinned stupidly,

"Hey Phil!"

Phil smiled awkwardly as Stu started to shake a loose fist in the air.

"This is gonna be great you guys!" Alan squeezed between them, "The wolfpack in Lon-dan!"

Realising that Stu was about to have a stroke right there and then Phil stood up, his hands clasped behind his head,

"Alan, there's only three tickets," he went on the defensive, "I mean, if there were more we would've invited you, right Stu?" He looked to his freaked-out friend pleadingly.

Stu nodded vacantly.

Alan laughed and shook his head playfully, "Oh you guys! Doug's not coming!"

Stu shot to his feet and lunged for Alan, luckily Phil interjected,

"Doug is coming! He said he could come!"

The retard smiled lovingly at Phil, "He said something came up with work and that I should take his place. Neat, huh?"

Behind his glasses Stu's left eye twitched manically. _How could Doug do this to them?_

"We can't go."

"What?" The other two asked in unison.

Phil pulled Stu aside and spoke in a quiet voice, "We can still go man, it'll be fun!"

"Fun? Fun? Twice I've been drugged by this lunatic and almost died. Twice! And he'll do it again Phil. You know it and I know it! He's not- not stable!"

Phil rubbed his forehead wearily, "Look, when are we gonna get another free trip to London, huh? And we don't even have to hang with him when we get there. We can just leave him in the hotel eating cucumber sandwiches and scones! He'll love it!" Phil flashed his teeth and finally Stu caved,

"Fine, we'll go. But we are _not_ drinking with him! He stays away, understand?"

Phil nodded and they walked back to join their bearded companion who turned and picked up his suitcases. He started to walk towards the departure gates,

"Goodbye America, bonjour Lon-dan!"

The other shuffled behind him. Stu turned to Phil,

"I'm going to kill Doug."

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	2. Flights of Fancy

**Chapter Two: Flights of Fancy**

Stu shuffled awkwardly along the aisle searching for his seat. The trip he'd won included first class seats and he was looking forward to a peaceful flight. Seat 427 was to his left, in the middle section, along with two other seats.

"Hey Phil," Stu was attempting to ignore the fact that Alan was with them, "I think these are our seats," he gestured to the middle section.

Alan pushed past Stu and sat in the middle seat; he plonked his satchel on his lap and began emptying out the contents onto his tray table. Stu pinched the bridge of his nose,

"Do you have to sit between us?"

Alan nodded, "Of course. I'm sitting next to Phil."

Phil pulled out his ticket and waved it in Stu's face,

"Oh no, no, no. I'm in seat 434, which is all the way over here!" He stuffed his hand luggage in the overhead compartment and flopped down in the window seat on the right hand section of the plane. He smiled to himself as he placed large headphones over his ears. Alan looked highly disappointed that Phil wouldn't be sitting with him but he busied himself with the mess he was producing from his man-bag.

"Ah, shit." Stu slumped down next to Alan, who turned to him with a serious expression,

"Don't touch my stuff Stu."

"I don't want to touch your stuff, dick."

**~ o o O o o ~**

Two hours into the flight Phil was snoring softly, the headphones still over his ears. Alan was reading a book called 'Understanding the French' and Stu had resorted to consuming as much free alcohol as possible. He looked up as three men in smart suits marched down the aisle; the one nearest to him caught his jacket on the arm of Stu's chair, momentarily flashing his FBI badge and piece. Stu opened his mouth to tell someone but reconsidered when he realised the only person who would be listening was Alan and Alan with a gun was not something Stu wanted to see anytime soon. The men proceeded towards the front of the plane and Stu caught a glimpse of one of them knocking on the cabin door before a stewardess pulled a curtain across the doorway, blocking his view. He thought nothing more of it as an extremely pretty brunette stewardess offered him another complimentary drink.

**~ o o O o o ~**

The plane touched down at 7:30pm GMT. Stu was well and truly sozzled and Phil wasn't far behind. They caught a taxi to the hotel, The Ritz, and prepared for a night of utter carnage.

"Here's to an awesome weekend!" Stu slurred.

"To the wolfpack!" Alan cheered.

"London, here we come!" Phil added.

They clinked glasses and toasted a night to remember.

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	3. The Morning After

**Chapter Three: The Morning After**

Water. That was what Alan saw when he first opened his eyes. Water. He flopped around on his stomach for a while shouting,

"I'm drowning! Save me Phil!"

Stu groaned as he opened his eyes. He saw Alan flapping about like a fat fish,

"What are you doing?"

Alan stopped flapping and sat up, "I thought I was… Where are we?"

The dentist looked around; he and Alan were in some sort of weird glass bubble suspended next to a river. It was big enough to stand up in and he could see others above him.

"I think it's the London Eye," Stu mumbled.

"Do you think it can see us?" Alan asked seriously.

Stu looked at him blankly and then scoped the rest of the bubble/pod, "Hey, where's Phil?"

"I dunno. How did we get here?"

"I don't know," Stu looked at Alan and said pointedly, "I. Can't. Remember," he grabbed Alan's collar, "You did it again! You drugged us you fat fuck!"

Alan shook his head rapidly, "No! I swear! Doug said he'd never let me sleep over again if I brought drugs to Lon-dan!"

Stu yelled like a wild animal at the top of his lungs and pressed his hands against his head.

"What's that in your mouth?" Alan pointed to Stu's gaping trap.

"What?" Stu moved to the window and looked at his reflection; he stuck out his tongue and screamed.

"Dude," Alan grinned, "You got your tongue pierced! Ha! Classic!"

Stu stared at the reflection; in the centre of his tongue was a small stud with the Union Jack on it. He grabbed it with his thumb and forefinger and tried to pull it out but it hurt like hell.

"I hate you," Stu sank down onto his knees.

"I didn't do anything!"

"I still hate you."

Stu hung his head between his legs and below him, in one of the other pods, he saw something straight from CSI. A guy was lying in a small pool of blood, he looked dead.

"What is that?" Alan asked, peering over Stu's shoulder.

Stu tilted his head as he squinted to see a little better, "Oh fuck! It's Phil!" He started banging on the floor, "Phil! Phil!"

Alan started to flap his hands about, "Oh no! Phil's dead!"

"He is _not_ dead!" Stu was desperately trying to get the door open as Alan began to sob,

"Phil's dead! How could this happen to me?"

Stu managed to kick open the door and almost fell out as it swung open in front of him. They were extremely high up, at least 30 metres above Phil's pod and another 30 off the ground. He turned to Alan, whose face was red from crying,

"Come on, we have to get him!"

Stu and Alan warily climbed out of their glass pod and began to make their way down to their friend. Stu straddled one of the wide spokes of the immense wheel and started to lower himself gradually. Alan, however, had other ideas. He hooked his leg over the spoke and hugged it with his arms,

"Hey Stu!" He shouted, "Watch this!"

He loosened his grip on the spoke and started to slide down rapidly towards Stu, like a kid on a banister.

Stu grabbed the metal tighter and shut his eyes, "Ah, fuck!"

The two collided and Stu lost his grip. He rolled awkwardly down the pole, launched off it, spun in the air a few times and finally landed on the top of Phil's pod with a _thud!_ He lay there for a moment in shock, his face squashed against the glass. Then he began to scream, a high pitched wailing like a dying goose. Alan nimbly made his way towards Stu and perched beside him, resting on one of the metal poles supporting the pods,

"Stu! That was awesome!"

"Shut UP!"

Stu straightened his glasses, which had somehow managed to stay on although they were a little lopsided. He pulled open the door to the pod and rushed to Phil's side. Alan watched nervously from the doorway as Stu turned Phil over.

"Oh Jesus," Stu touched the blood on Phil's shirt, "I think he's dead," he bent down to try and see if he was breathing and Phil groaned. Stu yelped and jumped back, "Ah! Fuck!"

"Who's dead?" Phil slowly opened his eyes, "Did we lose someone again?"

Stu sat down on one of the built-in seats as Phil sat up and leant on his elbow, just in time for Alan to hug him awkwardly,

"I'm so glad you're alive!" Alan hugged tighter and Phil shoved him off as he clutched his shoulder.

Stu looked around at the blood-covered glass, "Is this even your blood?"

Phil shrugged, "Fuck knows," he winced and looked at his shoulder, "This hurts like a bitch though."

The 'doctor' leant forward and peeled back Phil's shirt; his shoulder was covered in dried blood and a little still oozed from the open wound just below his collar bone. Stu retched and placed his hand over his mouth,

"You've been shot!"

"Again?" Phil groaned and let his head fall back, "Why do I keep getting shot?"

Alan smiled, "Classic Phil."

"What did you give us this time dick-weed?"

Alan's eyes widened and Stu spoke up, "He says he didn't give us anything."

"And you believe him?" Phil shook his head, grinning, "Whatever man. How does this keep happening to us? Once is bad enough but _three_ times?"

"Maybe we're cursed," Alan offered.

Phil looked at him sideways, "Okay. Let's check our pockets, you know the drill."

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	4. Evidence

**Chapter Four: Evidence**

The three musketeers sat in the glass pod and began to empty their pockets. Stu found a receipt for a piercing parlour and three tickets for an open top bus tour. In Phil's pocket were three tickets to 'Cats' the west end show and the remainder of some candy floss. Before Alan could start to search his pockets Phil pointed to his hands,

"Alan, you've got handcuffs on."

"I do?" he looked at the cuffs dangling from his left wrist and chuckled, "Huh."

Stu looked at Phil, astonished, and back at Alan, "How could you not notice that?"

"I had more important things to worry about Stu!"

"Idiot."

Phil smiled, "What's in your pockets?"

Alan shoved his chubby hands into his pockets and pulled out some loose coins, a bottle cap and… a bloody knife.

"What the fuck?" Stu stood up and pointed at the knife, "What the hell?"

With his hands raised in the air Phil tried to calm his friend, "I'm sure there's a perfectly good explanation for this, right Alan?"

Stu didn't let Alan explain, instead he started jumping around pointing at the moron with the bloody knife in his pocket,

"Good explanation? I've got one for you! Last night Alan drugged us, _again_, then he knifed someone, got arrested and escaped from jail! Making us fugitives!" he turned to Phil, "He's probably the one who shot you!"

Alan gasped, "That's not true! I would never hurt Phil!"

"What. Ever!"

Ignoring Stu, Alan turned to Phil and whispered, "Stu got his tongue pierced."

Phil smirked, "Oh! Really?" He burst into laughter.

The dentist turned on him, "Its not funny guys! I'm in actual pain here!"

"Oh come on," Phil continued to grin, "It's a little funny."

"Oh I'm sorry," Stu was freaking out, "But I fail to see the humour in my body being _defaced_ yet again!"

"Well you see," Alan began, "It's because you got your tongue pierced and you don't remember how or when or why. That's how it's humorous."

"Yes. Thank you for clearing that up. Moron," Stu composed himself, "Okay, first things first, we need to get Phil to a hospital. Then we-"

"-No!" Alan interrupted.

"'No?'" Stu looked from Alan to Phil and back again, "What do you mean? We have to get him to the hospital! He's been shot you fucking retard!"

"There's no need for that language mister!" With his hands clasped as if in prayer Alan calmly continued, "We can't go to the hospital because that's where they'll be waiting for me."

"Who?"

Alan sighed, "The law. If I _did_ kill someone last night they'll be waiting for me in all the big places. I escaped from them once but twice? Even _I'm_ not that badass."

Phil listened, aghast and slightly amused, as Stu boiled over,

"Oh great! Well you know what? I say we turn him in!" He looked to Phil for support but the school teacher was keeping out of it, "I'll ring the police right now!"

"Coppers," Alan cleared his throat and stood up a little straighter, "They're called 'coppers' here in Lon-dan."

Stu was about to give Alan what-for when Phil stood up, a little shakily,

"Hey, its okay. I'm fine. It's just a flesh wound. We should find out what happened last night and get the fuck out of this city."

"Yeah!" Alan punched the air and Stu ran his newly decorated tongue along his teeth.

**~ o o O o o ~**

They sat on the floor of the pod. Alan had tried to persuade the others to climb down but Phil didn't seem up to it and Stu didn't trust Alan not to act like an idiot, again. So they sat.

Something moved in the mess of blood on the floor of the glass pod. It looked like the blood was writhing by itself as Alan watched it slowly weave its way to where Phil was sitting on the floor.

"Er, guys?" Alan kept his eyes on the blood-creature, "What is that?"

"What now?" Stu sighed.

Alan pointed to the movement behind Phil; it moved slowly through the puddle of Phil's blood. Suddenly it leapt, directly at Phil's face. He screamed and jumped to his feet, flapping his arms. The creature was thrown against the glass where it left a red smudge before it flopped to the ground.

"What the FUCK?" Phil was spinning around, trying to find where it had gone.

Stu leapt onto one of the seats, "What _was_ that?"

Calmly Alan answered, "I think it was a snake."

Stu looked at Phil, "Did it bite you?"

Half laughing half screaming Phil answered, "No. I don't think so!" He looked around, desperately searching for the vicious reptile, "Where the fuck did it go?" He joined Stu on the seat and held his arms out to balance himself.

They were a tangle of bodies as the snake once again revealed itself. Stu squealed like a pig and dived off the seat like a man possessed, Alan scrambled for the door and Phil jumped off the seat only to slip in his own blood and skid awkwardly towards Alan. Stu swung open the door and they tumbled outwards onto the metal railings of the London Eye. All three men watched as the sun rose over London and they waited for the day to begin.

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	5. The Day Begins

**Chapter Five: The Day Begins**

"Is it gone?" Phil asked, still clinging to the metal spoke of the giant wheel.

"I don't know. But I'm not going back in there," Stu replied.

Suddenly a loud whirring sound pierced the silence of the morning; a few crows flew up, past the men's faces, as the wheel began to move. As the wheel turned slowly the three friends began to slide. Alan lost his grip and slid down the spoke onto Stu, who yelled,

"Get off me Alan!"

"I can't!" Alan retorted.

It was true; the force of the wheel turning was forcing Alan further towards Stu who was becoming more and more squashed.

Soon the wheel was too far turned to remain sitting on the metal poles; Phil flopped down from his sitting position,

"Ah! Fuck! Fuck!" he was hanging by one hand while Stu and Alan clambered like rats to remain hooked over the spoke. Alan saw Phil hanging and started to shuffle towards him, dragging his ass by pulling himself along with his hands.

"I'm coming Phil!" He shouted. He pushed impatiently at Stu who had nowhere to go, "Move Stu!"

"I can't!" He was at the end of the pole and had nowhere to go but back into the snake infested pod, "Stop moving, Alan!"

Alan opened his mouth to shout back when another voice interrupted,

"Oi! What're you doin' up there?"

It was a man in a smart uniform; he was operating the wheel and did not look pleased that three yanks had decided to use it as a climbing frame.

"Ah, shit," Phil's fingers slipped from the pole and he dropped the last ten feet to the ground, "Ow."

Stu jumped down, followed by Alan who flopped awkwardly as his leg got stuck on the pole.

"What do you think you're doin'?" The man in the uniform reached for his walkie-talkie.

"We were erm… We were-" Stu stammered.

"-It's for charity," Phil rescued the situation, "We climbed it for er…"

"Fathers for Justice!" Stu added stupidly.

Uniform guy looked confused, "I didn't know anything about this."

"Well, you know, we don't get permission for the things we do!" Stu looked strangely angry, "We do what's right for the children!"

"Well he's clearly been shot," the Londoner pointed to Phil.

"It's just his costume," Stu was on a roll now, "He's a, erm…"

"A victim of the economy," Alan added proudly. He walked up to Phil, "It's totally fake," he prodded Phil in his wounded shoulder and Phil yelped. He bit his lip and smiled through gritted teeth,

"Totally fake," he squeaked.

"Look," the uniform guy looked truly apologetic, "I support what you're doin' I really do. But I have to report this," he started to tune his walkie-talkie.

Alan stepped towards him, "I'm afraid we can't let you do that." Before anyone could react Alan head-butted the man, knocking him out. Blinking, he stumbled backwards a little dazed.

"What the fuck? Who _are_ you?" Stu shouted.

"It had to be done," Alan straightened up and started to walk away. Phil followed him,

"Come on man," he said to Stu, "Let's get the fuck out of here."

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**I know its short but I'm really busy atm so I'll add more soon :)**


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